


How Oblivious is Lockheart?

by Miss_Bubblegum



Category: Hamilton - Miranda, Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Defense Against the Dark Arts, Gen, Providing Levity to Chamber of Secrets, School-wide inside jokes, Use of the word 'penis'
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-20
Updated: 2016-10-20
Packaged: 2018-08-23 14:39:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,058
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8331607
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Miss_Bubblegum/pseuds/Miss_Bubblegum
Summary: Defense Against the Dark Arts is a very serious subject at Hogwarts, but the teacher changes year to year.The curse on the position has lead to Locheart, the airheaded author to be the Professor in Peggy's first year.Her classmate bets her that he wouldn't notice if she stood up and said a certain word in a question.Peggy is left with doing her homework for a week and the rest of the school is speculating who exactly managed to slip the word 'Penis' into a question artfully enough that the teacher didnt notice.





	

The one constant at hogwarts was the Defense against the Dark Arts teacher changing.

Some claimed the subject was just too dangerous, some claimed it was a curse, fewer yet maintained it was all just weird rotten luck.

Needless to say that no matter what explanation people believed the bottom line was that the possible teachers pool shrank more and more every year. Rumors had spread across the school that their teacher this year was the only applicant for the position. 

Which lead to the least helpful class that Peggy ever thought she would have. The class was less educational and more of a bookclub. There were sorts of role-plays of what Lockheart had  allegedly done in his books.

It had gotten to the point of classes being seen as little more than jokes, passing notes was so easy and those in the last row or three could whisper and not get caught.

"Hey Peggy, bet you a weeks homework that Lockheart won't notice if I use the word nipple in a sentence." said the ravenclaw girl who sat next to her one day,  

"No way Franky, that's too easy," Peggy whispered back glancing back at the front to ensure she wouldn't be caught. Not that anyone has been caught yet. 

"Do you have a better suggestion?"

"Make the word 'penis' and you're on" there was no way that he couldn't be clued in by the entire giggling class at those words, not even he could be that clueless.

\--------------------

"I cannot believe that I have to do your homework for a week!" 

"Then you shouldn't have taken the bet Peggy! You had too much faith in Lockheart listening anyone except himself."

"So not fair. The week of homework, does that start now or when you get assigned thing?"

"I think any time I get assigned homework. I'll tell you the homework tonight in the library."

"Sounds good." Peggy smiled weakly at the grinning girl. 

Franky gave her a quick hug, giggling at how put out Peggy looked, the smell of black licorice briefly overtaking Peggy's nose.

"Library. Alright. You smell like licorice, do you like it for some reason?"

"You don't?"

"You were my friend, I trusted you! You have betrayed me with liking gross candy!"

\----------------

Writing home was a bit of a chore that night, as her hands were tired from writing non-stop since dinner. She was not going to put off writing the same essay twice and different enough that teachers wouldn't call plagiarism. 

She hates that Angel pointed out that she should do that so she wouldn't get in trouble. Doing it different was almost worse than detention.

One of these days she would have to ask Alex how on earth he wrote all the time without having his hands in constant agony. For the time being however she wished she had a quill she could just dictate to, her parents refused to buy it for her though insisting it was cheating her of a proper school experience. 

Dear Mama and Daddy,  
You wouldn't beleive what some kid said in class today....

\--------------------

"Peggy did some kid in your year really say 'Penis' in class a couple of days ago?" Angelica asked sitting down next to Peggy outside on the grounds.

"Oh hi Angel, yes I'm having a nice day thank you for asking you are so kind."

"Peggy answer the question."

"Why do you ask?"

"I need to know how huge a moron our teacher is. I heard the entire class burst out laughing and he still didn't notice."

"Yes. I have to do the girl who did it's homework for a few more days."

Angel gave her a confused look then sighed, "I don't want to know do I?"

"Now you're learning. Where did you hear about it from anyway?"

"Three different people on the walk out here alone and roughly half of my house last night."

"I really hope no one told anyone who said it, I would hate for her to get in trouble."

"If her identity is ever found though she will get gifts from admirers."

"That's true." Alex said sitting down next to Angel.

"What is this the Slytherin Inquistion?"

"Noone expects the Slytherin Inquisition." Alex deadpanned, opening his bag, "Did you get the Astronomy homework Angel?"

\---------------  
"Miss Schuyler, why does your essay read almost identical to Miss Folsom's?" asked a irate Professor Snape one day after Potions.

"We study together, it wasnt intentional. We will make sure it doesn't happen again sir."

"Make sure of it."

\-----------------

Overnight speculation on who the mysterious 'penis' speaker was took off.   
(well that and who the heir to the chamber was, but the more lighthearted one was much more popular)

All that was known was that it was a first year. None could decide what house, as all the first years mysteriously clammed up when asked in which defense period it was asked in- slytherin/hufflepuff or Gryffindor/ravenclaw. Every first year claimed to have been in the room though for some reason. 

Lockheart had no recollection of it, as he was the only one who wasn't aware that she said the word in the first place. 

The rumors grew though, until the mysterious first year allegedly stood up in the middle of one of Lockheart's 'lessons' and said every word they knew would get a reaction of a normal adult, Lockheart ignoring them too focused on himself.

Franky thought it all was hilarious of course, telling Peggy all about the letters her parents and her family friend Grover were sending her,

"They keep saying that whoever said it was crude and looking for attention, that their parents should be ashamed of raising such an odd child!" Franky laughed, "I can't bring myself to tell them it was me and you!"

"How was this me at all?" Peggy demanded though the effect was ruined with her giggles, "You said it!"

"You told me to say it Peg, if I had just said 'nipple' like I wanted it probably wouldn't have gotten so big," she said and as soon as she heard what she said, went red and clapped a hand over her mouth.

"You are so lucky I am not my sister, she would have pounced on the opportunity to comment on that."

"Angelica right?"

"Yep, Lizzie is too pure for this nonsense."

**Author's Note:**

> I was just messing around, trying to think of a good Lockheart chapter and the youngest first lady decided to shove her way in saying 'penis'.
> 
> I am American, sorry if that is too obvious, tell me if I made any mistakes please-I wrote this on an iPod. 
> 
> Also I am putting the fact that Frances Folsom Cleveland Preston was 27 years younger than her first husband, Grover Cleveland, who was a family friend and knew her as a baby out there.   
> After all its hella creepy. They were married when she was 21 in the white house.


End file.
